If you’re single and not online dating, then you should be. But take heed! Not all are homo-friendly. So before you get going, here’s what you need to know about the best (and worst) available –
Overall – This rookie app has stormed onto the scene, it’s famous “swipe right” concept asking you to essentially thumbs up or thumbs down women in your area. You set the “prowl-o-meter” to how long you’re willing to go to find your woman, then commence flicking through endless pictures, vapidly determining which ones you may or may not like based on their face. Like you don’t even have to pack in any boxes. Just sync and go.
Best Feature – Linked to Facebook. Now albeit this makes many of us cringe they honestly don’t post “I AM Amazingly DESPERATE” all over your page. In fact they don’t touch it at all. They just use your info to match you via some clever Tinder spell. Which, depressingly, resulted in me being matched with my own twin sister, begging the question, Why did we both swipe right?!
Also – Tinder is bisexual friendly. So if you choose to be sent pictures of masculine genitalia via your iPhone then you are free as a bird to do so.
(I’m not joking, this is all studs do. It’s astounding how dudes feel that the reasonable online equivalent of a handshake is a selfie of their premium product. If you weren’t lezzie before, then you sure as hell will be after witnessing an array of your local members. Members. Consider yourself warned.)
Worst Feature – The post-matching process. Albeit this is a very lesbian-specific issue.
You know when you’re in a gay club, and the best you can usually hope for is a few fleeting yet purposeful glances from interested women, before they quickly flick their eyes away when you catch them at it? Like, no one goes and talks to each other, we all just stand in a room in various huddles looking out of the corners of our eyes until we’re all tipsy enough for the “feel each other up on the dancefloor” portion of the evening. Who says romance is dead, eh?
Well, Tinder is the internet equivalent of this phenomenon. Just an inbox utter of women who have said “Yes!” to each other, but now no-one is actually making the very first budge. It’s hilarious, too, because you BOTH KNOW you are interested. It’s essentially a never ending game of chicken. We may as well all post pictures of the nonchalant sides of our far-too-cool faces as our profile pictures and save ourselves the trouble. I’ve resorted to using it to send my sister lezzie themed hashtags I find hilarious, ie #KeepYourYuletideGay and #YourFaceOrMine.
Overall – This lezzie specific app is based on a Facebook-style profile idea where you post and preen on a news feed style system until someone talks to you. HER (Daatch) is totally for women, and you have to give it to them, they know lesbians. No hiding in the corner here. if you’ve shown interest in someone, they’re going to know about it. Everything you do or click on comes up as a notification, so browse wisely
Best Feature – OK, so they do know lesbians, and well. There’s a lot to do within the actual app, as it encourages users to create an up to date profile that moves and interacts just like a Facebook page, plus an online blog written by the team themselves with some pretty decent content. Cleverly, this keeps you and the person you’re talking to logged on within the actual app so that dialogue becomes smoother and more instant. As opposed to the usual “I’ll check that on the bus, read it, then reply when I’m overlooking the washing up two hours later”. Which is NOT how to make a gal feel special.
Worst Feature – Blockless. Albeit you can block users from contacting you, their profile still remains on your “radar” and so your exes face will be smiling up at you no matter how many buttons you press. Tears on your smartphone screen do not a blessed lezzie make, but Daatch’s “Relationship Mode” helpfully enables users to stay live while in a relationship, making the exes presence on it even more deliriously painful as she showcases pictures of her and her fresh gf getting cats or matching tattoos. How soothing.
Overall – PoF ranks you with your fellow lady-loving-ladies via your answers to a generic questionnaire, then matches you with those it feels are best suited interest and goal-wise.
Best Feature – Their “Near You” section, which via the app permits you to see how many lesbians are in your area at any given time. Like almost as an actual chart or map. It’s incredible. As well as permitting me to spend many a joy night GPS tracking the future love-of-my-life, this feature is also very handy for watching who lives locally and most active online.
Worst Feature – Their “You both like the same films and are therefore soulmates” fast-food treatment to dating is slightly off base. Also, Not Bisexual Friendly. You have to pick whether you’re in to fellows or women, as the brain-trust over at PoF have clearly determined that your bisexual ways should not be tolerated on the internet (even tho’ that’s very likely where they began).
Overall – It’s beastly boasting about “Behavioural Matchmaking” makes you feel like a stud dog and it’s promise to permit you to “Browse profiles for free” before paying sends us straight to the Close Window button. This outdated and almost specifically un-LBGT-friendly app is about as much joy as stabbing yourself repeatedly in the eye with the pointy end of your rainbow coloured flag.
Best Feature – That it’s delete-able. From our lives. Forever.
Worst Feature – It will connect you to Facebook, and albeit it won’t tell your Wall about it, you will be used in their side-ways marketing scheme via use of the “your friend is using Zoosk” sponsored buttplugs in your friend’s Fresh Feed. Not cool, Zoosk. Not cool at all. I do not want my God-Mother or Vicar knowing I am trawling for women on the internet. It’s far more joy getting toasted and telling them myself at weddings.
So there you have it, the best and worst of the bunch. Now don’t be discouraged! At the end of the day if the right woman is out there, no amount of firewall settings or horribly set up matching algorithms are going to keep you apart. So have at it and Blessed Homo-Hunting.
About the Author: E J Rosetta is an LGBT Columnist and coffee junkie living in Hampshire with her spoiled cat, Hendricks. More ramblings can be found via Twitter (@EJRosetta) or at www.facebook.com/ejrosettaLGBT
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