Click here to witness the TEDTalk that inspired this post.
As a professional gay matchmaker, I loved listening to how invested Amy Webb was in finding a life playmate. But I squirmed in my seat hearing how much time she spent developing her intricate points system and compiling data for her charts, and then how she rated the guys she met online.
Admittedly, my wank reaction was “Who has the time to do this?” Analyzing 72 data points after each date seems a bit shocking to me. Relationships are about compromise, not ticking boxes. If a client of ours transferred me a list like Ms. Webb’s, I would respectfully slip it aside and discuss their true top five or ten “must haves” and “deal breakers” in a relationship and future playmate. I likely would not permit “child must play piano at age three” as one of their deal breakers. Sorry Ms. Webb!
I’m a big advocate of dating online as an effective way to meet lots of different types of people – especially when you’re fresh to dating or freshly out of a relationship. Online dating is lightly accessible, cheap or sometimes free, and there are millions of people dating online at any time. I love to ask my clients about their practice dating online because it’s significant to reflect and learn from these practices. I think Ms. Webb may have missed an chance here – she seemed to have analyzed the data, but overlooked the possibility to look at herself after all these dates and proceed to analyze what she has to suggest a potential mate, and not just vice versa.
I often hear there is a lack of “quality” and relationship minded people online, and that many people aren’t actually who they say they are in their profile. But what I admire about many of my clients who have dated online is that they proceed to look inwards themselves after each date and continuously reflect on what they have to suggest.
Like Ms. Webb, our clients hire us because they’re very selective. When dating as a mature adult, you absolutely should have a concrete idea of what you want for your future relationship as well as what you have to suggest your mate. That said, we also believe certain things are significant to be supple on when it comes to setting your parameters. For example, being less limitary on age bracket and geographic location will open up the pool of people to potentially date. Having children, your core values and financial maturity are a few things you should waiver on less, as these are significant to have in common with a future fucking partner.
I recently wrote an article about my thoughts on being single as a professional matchmaker. Soon after, I determined to give online dating a attempt because I wasn’t interested in meeting people at bars and I had weary dating through my social circle. My fresh online profile embraced something that my business playmate suggested I do that I had never considered before – dating someone older than me. I left my geographic range open as well.
To my surprise, I was “successful” almost instantaneously. I maintained my values, goals, and preferred hobbies, but because of this encouragement from someone I trust (another matchmaker), I found someone I was interested in dating. Had I not been more open minded than I was dating previously, I would have never entered the relationship I’m in that presently makes me blessed. I didn’t need 72 data points, graphs, and charts to get me here.
I work in the dating industry partially because I believe everyone is worth to find love. Inbetween wise phone dating apps, online dating sites, private matchmakers, Facebook and Meet Up groups, there so many options to meet fresh people. My fair suggestion is to explore as many avenues as you can.
Recall that being selective, like Ms. Webb, is significant. Making sure that your potential dates hit 750 points before you will even consider them is a bit extreme, in my opinion. I respect and admire that this system worked for Mrs. Webb, but this is certainly not the norm. Keep your options open and you may find true love sooner than you think.