It gets better than Tinder. Kind of.
Want to meet up? So do about a billion other people, and they’re all on hook-up apps. Options, options, and more options. Here, a quick breakdown of what to expect on these hook-up apps, should you have entirely avoided them all thus far.
It is: The most legendary hook-up app, especially among the junior folks. Swipe right on a profile photo you like, hope they swipe right too.
The catch: You can swipe until your fingers bleed.
Who you want to find: A beautiful stranger who’s down.
Who you actually find: A passable stranger who hasn’t determined yet, but wants to text a lot anyways.
It is: An elite app for celebrities, models, artists, and other generally cultured people.
Gatekeeper: You have to be one of the above. And rich.
It is: An app for matching up users in airports and during flights.
Who you want to find: An exotic adventurer on their way to hike the Chilean Andes.
Who you actually find: Bored travelers who just used their last minute of free airport wi-fi to get this app.
It is: Essentially Tinder, but for gay dudes.
The catch: Quantity over quality.
Who you want to find: A put-together man who wants a drink and a fuck.
Who you actually find: A flighty 23-year-old who likes talking about his abdominals.
It is: An app that literally tracks you, showcasing you when and how often you cross paths with other users.
The catch: You need to leave your apartment.
Who you want to find: The lady with the dimples you’ve seen at the corner store twice.
Who you actually find: The stalker you didn’t know you had.
It is: An app that admits ambitious, successful users only after an extensive screening period.
The catch: You need a LinkedIn account. An Ivy League education doesn’t hurt, either.
Who you want to find: An attractive, educated progressive with lofty career aspirations.
Who you actually find: An Ivy League banker who uses the word “handouts” unironically.
It is: Essentially Tinder, but women make the rules and determine if contact will be made.
The catch: Matches only last for 24 hours.
Who you want to find: A youthful, joy professional with an adventurous spirit.
Who you actually find: A hundred women who never stir past the very first swipe.
It is: Essentially Tinder, but for threesomes.
The catch: Faking chemistry with one person is one thing. Faking it with two is near unlikely.
Who you want to find: Two ungodly attractive individuals who you will never have to see again.
Who you actually find: Two similarly inexperienced individuals who won’t make this any less awkward.
The catch: You have to wade through the hoards.
Who you want to find: A casually attractive hook-up.
Who you actually find: A casually attractive hook-up, but only after 37 failed attempts.
It is: Essentially Tinder, but for rich people.
The catch: You gotta make over $200K a year or be voted in based purely on your looks.
Who you want to find: A one-night stand who supplies the Dom Perignon and cashmere blankets.
Who you actually find: A one-night stand who is already bored with you.