Dating For Science

The Wank

I present to you a finish text message conversation spanning two days with, well, a masturbate. Let me set the scene:

We matched on Tinder and it took me a good bit of messaging back and forward to woo him to come to a special SF Symphony spectacle involving the NFL for our very first date. (This should have been crimson flag #1 – if a seemingly cool damsel invites you to a free NFL/Symphony, thing grow a pair and go. Don&rsquo,t hem and haw about it like a goddamn pansy. It&rsquo,s just a few hours of your life.)

Days following our outing, which I thought was joy, I received news that my friend Marques had been killed and at that moment, all science stopped, for visible reasons.

There were a few texts back and forward inbetween me and &ldquo,Jasonthecoolest&rdquo, (his name on Tinder, btw) but I got the feeling that this fellow was only kinda into me and texted me when it was convenient for him. That&rsquo,s not a thing I want to get involved with for a few reasons:

1. I&rsquo,d like to be involved with a dude who wants to see me ALL of the time

Two. I know myself well enough now to realize that when put in this situation, I will ferociously pursue a stud, even if he kinda gargles, just to get the validation

What? They say acceptance is the very first part of recovery, right?

Soooo ANYWAY: I write him off and go to Atlanta for a funeral and have some feelings and come home and have more feelings and by now a few weeks have gone by without hearing from Jasonthecoolest and I pretty much leave behind about him&hellip,

&hellip,until earlier this week at around 7:30 am. Yep. AM.

Where did this kinda-asshole come from? His dark heart comment gets me riled up and I commence getting all LADYPARTY about things while at the same time becoming more intrigued because i just cant figure this dude out. So I play along:

So at this point, I&rsquo,m feeling a little salty about the entire thing as this fellow, through his weird timing and tone has made me feel like I&rsquo,m his back burner chick who he texts when it is convenient, even if that is at 7:30 am. So, I determine to get real because at this point, I have nothing to lose.

A few things here:

1. Yes, I lied about not putting him on the blog, but I said that before he pulled some real shit, which you&rsquo,ll see later in this post.

Two. My tour to Atlanta was to attend a funeral, asshole.

Trio. When someone hints at going to see Prince with you, there shouldn&rsquo,t have to be more explanation. Get your shit together.

&hellip,. but then I read the &ldquo,I did have joy with you and I&rsquo,d do it again&rdquo, and somehow I still do not write this boy off entirely because I do this thing where I somehow undervalue myself to a certain extent and due to this tend to hop on any chance where it has been explicitly stated or implied that a boy is into me, irregardless of his behavior, because I know I seek that validation, even however I know better.

To his credit, this is surely what he was hoping would happen. Well played, masturbate.

I hate that I do this and I&rsquo,m working on it but at this very moment, I&rsquo,m attempting to walk the line inbetween keeping it real and keeping him a possibility:

I know, I know. What was I thinking? I wasn&rsquo,t. This dude is certainly not Bruce worthy and if that wasn&rsquo,t clear already his use of &ldquo,boner killer&rdquo, should have been the final clue.

I wasn&rsquo,t actually meeting a friend for dinner that night. That was a lie. Had I been fair, I would have said something along the lines of, &ldquo,no, I don&rsquo,t entertain invitations to meet up with someone when they come hours before the desired meet-up because I&rsquo,m busy and significant and goddammit, I like to plan in advance.&rdquo,

This concludes the very first day of this weird caboose text exchange.

By then end of it, I have confused myself into thinking I am somehow still intrigued enough by this person to think I might actually want to see him this weekend. Later that night after mulling over the entire conversation and checking in a bit deeper with myself, I realize I am crazy.

This boy deep-throats and there&rsquo,s no way in hell he&rsquo,s getting one of my two comp tickets to see Bruce Springsteen. Rather than letting him know right away, I sit on that and wait until he inevitably texts me again, which happens to be the very next night:

Wait, what are you doing here dude? Did you leave behind about Bruce? (HOW COULD YOU?!) At this point, I&rsquo,m earnestly WTFing all over my living room attempting to figure out this boy&rsquo,s angle. I also use the &ldquo,still working excuse&rdquo, to head off any requests to meet that night because it&rsquo,s 8:30 on a Wednesday and I&rsquo,m at home watching &ldquo,The Chicks Tell All&rdquo, scene of The Bachelor and you are not getting me off this couch for anything, especially for a idiot who is attempting to pull some weird mind game shit.

And then things go downhill very quickly:

One of my guys from Settl? Earnestly? This is when it becomes very clear to me he is attempting to neg me. (Not familiar with negging? Congrats. It&rsquo,s a shitty thing commenced by some shitty guys who call themselves &lsquo,pick-up artists.&rsquo, More scientifically, negging is a rhetorical strategy whereby a person makes a deliberate backhanded compliment or otherwise insulting remark to another person in order to undermine his or her confidence in a way that gains approval.)

So I screenshot the conversation from just one day ago and send it to him and laugh for a 2nd about how sending a picture of a text message in a text message is ridiculous.

Ridiculous just like this wank!

At this point, I am over this man.

And that&rsquo,s the end of that.

It&rsquo,s been a while since I have dealt with a dude who was so into games. I&rsquo,ve been pretty good about filtering those people out because, as you can see, I fucking HATE games. They also sometimes work on me and I know this, so I attempt to avoid them at all cost.

I did not react back to Jasonthecoolest, so I suppose this entire post could be considered my response.

And you know what your thickest mistake was?

Continuing to be a wank to a woman with a blog and ball-sac fatter than yours.

So over a year after this post was written, JasontheCoolest still manages to find the time to troll me. He&rsquo,s made some appointments for me at Jenny Craig and set up a profile for me on (a dating site for those with STDs). He has also attempted very hard (however unsuccessfully) to hack into my Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Gmail, AT&,T, LinkedIn, OK Cupid, Seeking Arrangement and Miss Travel accounts. He sets up Disqus profiles using my picture and pairing it with very clever usernames like &ldquo,fart sniffer&rdquo, so he can leave comments on my blog to let me know what a sad, fat, lonely woman I am, ensuring he mentions my cat – because we all know what cats mean to women in their mid 30s. Every morning I wake up to a slew of emails about my latest password reset requests and text messages with verification codes.

I know he indeed loves this post I wrote, so thought I would bring it back up to the top, for all to love. Feel free to share far and broad!

GODDAMIT! Can&rsquo,t a lady just play Words with Friends in peace?

This is not good science.

Anonymous asked: Hi, I like you page a lot. I’m fresh to online dating, and dating in general and I was wondering. Have you ever began a conversation with someone online and liked them instantly, but knew they were undoubtedly the type of person who could hurt you (emotionally)? How do you deal with that?

What a question!

Very first off, thank you for reading. Since you are fresh to online dating and dating in general, you should very likely read every single post on this blog. If you don&rsquo,t have the time to do that, I can sum everything up in one sentence for you:

Trust your gut, be kind, and tell someone where you&rsquo,re going.

What you are describing above – kicking off a conversation with someone you know could potentially hurt you – is pretty much how every single relationship starts, whether we understand that at the time or not. The truth of the matter is: everyone we come in contact with has the capability to hurt us in some way.

Taking a leap of faith and opening yourself up to heart break is one of the most appalling and rewarding practices you can have when it comes to dating. Sometimes it works out. Oftentimes it does not.

That&rsquo,s why they make ice juice and streaming media and friends.

So, to response your question: I deal with it by realizing it is a normal part of the practice. I inject into each situation with curiosity and plasticity and if something seems like trouble, I get out. Usually. Sometimes I stay for the trouble – because I learned that&rsquo,s something I do – but usually it isn&rsquo,t worth it. Except for that one time&hellip,

In some ways I think that if there isn&rsquo,t a little part of you that is startled of what may happen if the person you are with all of a sudden doesn&rsquo,t want to be with you, you might not be with the right person.

Vulnerability is so scary. But also so sexy.

Also, I&rsquo,ve learned more about myself during break-ups than I have while in a relationship and, in my opinion, that&rsquo,s made each relationship about 600% more valuable than it originally was. So there&rsquo,s that.

Glad Endings

Sometimes I need to remind myself that glad endings are real and they do happen. And some days that is lighter than others. But then some days, you have indeed awesome followers to remind you. This is one of those days. V- take it away:

Hi! I would like to contribute my true story of online dating.

Then after about Trio months of going on a few uninteresting dates, this very fantastic fellow winked at me. So I winked back. Then he messaged me a very fair message about himself. I read on his profile he was looking for a committed relationship. Hmm&hellip, Intriguing I thought. We messaged back and forward for the rest of the night before he ultimately asked for my phone number. We texted for a day or two before he asked me to meet up with him Friday night. Friday night I went out to dinner with my BFF and we had a little too many margaritas. I told her my plans to meet with the Ok Cupid boy and she of course desired to join in.

Truthfully, it was the very first time I was actually jumpy to meet someone I met off the internet. He just seemed too good to be true so I was very skeptical. He was kind, beautiful and successful. From what I knew at the time, that uncommonly existed and there had to be something wrong with him. Well my BFF and I headed to one of our fav bars and waited for Ok Cupid man to demonstrate. About Ten minutes later, in walks this remarkable stud who walks straight over to me and gives me a hug and introduces himself as Ok Cupid dude. He was nice and we talked for a bit. My BFF had to grill him with questions but it all went well. We determined to go to another bar where I danced very seductively on him.

By the end of the night I was toasted and we made out. The next day I was feeling some regret about how I made out with him. I usually did not smooch on the very first date. I didn&rsquo,t want to give him the wrong impression but I thought oh well I guess we&rsquo,ll see. Later that day he texted me and asked me to go out on a real date with him. He suggested dinner and a scary movie. I was glad to say yes.

After a few months of dating I knew this fellow was it for me. He was everything I didn&rsquo,t know I was looking for and more. He told me he loved me rather quickly and things for us just clicked.

Swift forward to about a year later he proposed.

Then the following year we got married.

It&rsquo,s now been almost a year since we&rsquo,ve been married and to this day my family thinks we met at a bar. I wished to share my story with you and your readers, I don&rsquo,t know what you all are looking for but I desired to let you know once you sort through all the puckers, it is possible to meet a good man who you can have a future with. I indeed love your blog! Thanks.

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